The Fall

Why on earth did I agree to pop out on the old mountain bike one Sunday evening when my mate John Paul came to see me? a question I've been asking myself for over a week now, you see on a lovely spring Sunday after I had been to my mam's with my daughter, I would normally wind down, chill out with a brandy or can of Carling, so on this Sunday I sat down at about 6:20pm with a brandy and waited for John to pop in and see me, about 15 mins into my relaxation and half way down my glass of brandy and coke, a knock on the door came, needles to say it was my good old mate JP on his bike...asking me if I fancied a ride up to some disused quarry which some kids had made into a bit of a bike trail. Hmmmmm what to do am all chilled after running around after my 6 year old demon all day, fuck it why not its a lovely night so I downed my drink and off we went, what was waiting for me 15mins away we both had no idea. As a rebel without a cause jeans and a jumper was all my protection I needed after all its only a pedal bike what could happen, I been off my motor bikes 4 times and walked away with the worst being a sprain a superman lol. WRONG. Well after a short ride we got there and it was quite a little gem hidden away from the public eye was this little course type place, full of banks and jumps, we had a bit fun racing around some of the dirt banks and tried a couple of jumps, then I decided to go over to the other side see what that was like JP leading the way me following with stitch and totally out of breathe," down there" I said off he went down quite a large bank pulling on his brakes as he went, with a little jump at the end sweet, now my turn so I rode past the entrance turned around and pedalled down the bank hoping to pull a sweet jump at the bottom, it was only a second or 2 as I hit the bank building far too much speed did I realise oooh fuck (I picture the scene from E.T. when the boy takes flight on his bike) this is what am going to do, there was trees rocks and god only knows where I was going to land, I braced myself and tried to keep the front end down as I went for take off big mistake, the back wheel hit the jump and catapulted me straight over arse over tit, handle bars smashing into just below my tit, I Could just put my hands out trying to save myself, as I rolled, my head gravel rashing with the dirt, the brandy and coke spewing out I came to a stop and jumped up, shit I was winded, JP stopped laughing after a few seconds,"sit down man" he said good idea I thought try and catch my breathe, few mins later and a bit more laughing from JP he told me that there was mud all over my head with blood, my head didn't hurt so I wasn't too bothered about that but mr arm and shoulder was in pain not too much but as time was passing the shock drug was wearing off, I need to get home best place I thought so JP pushed our bikes out of the quarry and lucky for me its all down bank going home, so I jumped back on my bike arm up in my invisible sling and coasted all the way back home getting funny looks from dog walkers, well I suppose this is normal after all I was covered in mud lol. I got home and assigned my other half the job to take me to the walk in centre, few mins later I was sitting waiting with now a very strong dull ache coming from my whole arm, bloody hell I need some drugs, with another quick visit to reception to tell them I had chest pains too,I was seen straight away lol, well I did have a pain just below the chest, anyways pain relief was given and an xray was taken, the x ray lady (or alien) told me to come have a look at your arm see what you have done to yourself??? why the fuck do I want to see (forgot to mention my mental fear off hospitals) but I got up and had a look at a big bone split at the top she said it was bad and sent me to wait outside. I told the other half its bad, and then we were taken back into another room to get a back slab on, I think that's what they called it basically its a cast but only a few strips of cast on the rest is bandage. I was then took into another room where I was told again how bad it was, another nurse came in and said," we are glad you came here first cause we don't get many bad brakes like this so its good experience." Thanks I thought am losing weight now by the second maybe I wont make it to hospital....So off we went to hospital and waited for hours well 1 and then I was taken to the room for assessment they usually ask what you have done and if you want pain relief. S I was asked what had happened and I told her and said my arm is broke in 3 places she replied and how do you know this???? WTF???erm cause I been to the walk in centre you should have my x-rays faxed through or emailed?? after a few mins I was sent to another place for another nurse to tell me it was a bad brake at this point I was lucky not to have a heart attack with the stress should I just go home wouldn't it be easier I thought,anyway the woman said the cast would be fine AT LAST AM FREE TO GO. she took a breathe and said but(but that bastard of a word just when you think its all good then but)BUT you will have to come back for an operation to get a plate in (is this hell?if i said I was ok now would they let me go home?) "is it really necessary for me to have an operation?" I said she laughed "yes" I crashed my motorbike at 80 mph into a dry stone wall knocked it down in 3 places nothing left of the bike I walked away with 2 bad sprains and alot of bruising so why do I need an operation falling off a bloody push bike? Anyways I ended up in hospital the next day to sort my blood out I was dehydrated due to the litre of brandy I swallowed over the weekend, my first ever time in hospital at 31 and I was going to be in 2 nights and an operation to screw a plate in my wrist sweet, what an adventure bit like going on a wild camp lol NOT. The day of the operation I was up at 5am told to be ready at 6am in 1 of those arse hanging out of the gown thingys, now it was waiting time oh my was it going to be a long morning, at 1pm they came for me now fear had set in, I climbed on board of the porters bed he had brought me,thoughts were passing through my head now should I just walk out and go home fuck will this hurt a plate in my arm what?? i remember the porter taking me down which seemed like he was pushing me to London it took forever, we got there I had with me a crazy uni student who actually wanted to watch the operation?, she was told to get dressed as I had to wait in the waiting corridor outside the theatre, a Dr came to make sure it was me and not someone pretending to be me,WTF??? anyways I got apology after apology as they didn't know why it was taking so long well after 40mins it was time they pushed me into a room which was a room before theatre as I could see the Drs through the window in the door, I was being prept, machines stuck on my chest and 1 of those bloody big drip needles that goes in the back of your hand so they can feed you drugs, oxygen mask on panic totally set in the doctor putting the drug in my arm to knock me out, I could fell it going up my arm as he said do you know what your in here for yes a plate in my arm no he said a Circumcision. he laughed and lights out, what a twat. I woke up what felt like I was out of it he pushed some morphine in and asked can you feel anything fuck I thought I cant feel anything but when the drugs wear off, I told yes I can feel the pain until he put the full needle of the stuff in lol. It had all gone well and I would be out the next day sweet. Why worry at all? My Wrist now I got 10 stitches to come out OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!